"Labor of love"
-by Sarah Leung

Sometimes I wonder, what would I do if my Significant Other leaves this world and how would I like to die? I know the majority would feel uncomfortable about death and so tend not to think about it till the end of the world comes for them, yet death is no stranger to me. Calm down, I don't have terminal illness but death did cross my mind before.

It was on the day upon knowing my horrific Sec 4 result, 1st semester. My world almost fall apart when I failed my A. Math & Chemistry right from the start & physics. I was so disturbed by my fear of ending up in the ITE that I went into a depression. May I make my stand that it's not my intention to upset ITE students, it is more about not able to achieve my goal that put me down.

I yearn for a 'A' level education, I dream to jump in my JC uniform and my only desire is for my parents to be proud of me.

Most of the time, I am convicted for giving myself too much pressure. In resulting to pessimistic thoughts & suicidal attempts to form. Back then, I even have had in mind the best way to die is for me to decide. A way of minimal pain and blood shed. Thus, overdose of sleeping pills seems to fit the bill perfectly. But what stopped me?

It is the image of my howling mom that put a stop to my willfulness. I realize I can't bear to put her in more grief. She needs me. Since then, I dare not consider this option anymore.

I am clearly aware that one day, when I catch my last breathe, I will leave my beloved family & him behind. I would like for them to remember me once smiling & loving them so true. I long for my ash to rest in the place of origin.

I want them to love me when I'm still alive and I wish not to live in regret. I will give them all my love as long as I'm still kicking. And when my day comes, I'll drive myself to my own grave.