Monday, May 14, 2007

How long have we met? I can’t remember but we are somehow at the verge of going separate ways.

It’s ironic things turned out this way after much ‘understanding’. Should we better not ‘understand’ each other too well? I felt suppressed by his air of confidence. Like he know it so well that I’ll never leave this relationship.

Why do I feel so bad the more he understands me now? Should we take a break? Should I come back to this relationship after things calm down? I can’t figure out anymore.

I’m tired but I don’t think of walking away. All I think is to take things slow again and give up on all the happy feelings love brings. Will I be sad then? I am now.

It’s complicated yet I didn’t know it’ll trap me into the big whirlpool. I feel entangle! Everything! My heart, my emotion, my rationality, my courage…

How long must I wait to find out the answer to my restless self? How to go back to happier time? How far am I from there? I believe I’ll lose more of myself shall this drag on. I’ve already lost my courage.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

I’m writing again…
-by Sarah Leung

It’s a cooling day at home. Here I am sitting in front of my computer typing an entry. Writing a journal is not such a good thing in fact because I only write when I am down. But today, I couldn’t even find the right headline for these words.

It will be too strong a headline if I say “I feel like a mistress”. I laughed. Is that really funny or I am being sarcastic? With the Internet nowadays, it really makes life so much easier. So I went online to search for a tag line that describes what I feel now. Instantly, all sorts of website of advertising firms pop up to catch browsers’ attention in a “please buy me” fashion. Oh my! They have nothing I want.

Monday, June 19, 2006

The fear of loving once more
-by Sarah Leung

It’s strange how events of life take their turns on you. It always happen at the most unexpected place and time.

One and a half years ago, I was still grieving over the lost of a fruitless love. And ever since, I’ve been searching for some kind of peace to take me away from the blues and what happens one and a half years later? All my friends know that I want to find someone to share my life with but when someone comes along, I seem to be scared and fearful that it would turn out to be a nightmare in disguise. Just why is it so hard for me to fall in love again?

It was the late class on Monday again as I drag my body from workplace to class. Restlessly, I waited for the class to begin and more students are coming in to the lecture room. And there he came in with his backpack and sat next to me. He is like a stopwatch that makes the time seem running much faster. By the time we starts to understand a little bit of each other it was the last time we will be having class together.

I thought I’ll never see him again. I thought he is someone who only stops-over for awhile so I see no point in knowing him too well. To me, making friends in class is an absolute waste of time. And what’s the point when there are no drop-dead gorgeous guys in class?

But life has its way. It trapped me in the most difficult situation and gave me no sign to the exit. Now, I’ve learnt the only way to escape is to draw one myself.